farters have to be the big spoon...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
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me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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