spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize