Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize