I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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