From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
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Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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