i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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