and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize