She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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