Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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