i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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