ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize