Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize