If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
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It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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