It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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