why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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