I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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