i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize