I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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