I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize