i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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