his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
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Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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