I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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