I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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