were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
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He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
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I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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