I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize