Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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