Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ketchup is God's man juice
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a walk of shame if you run
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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