The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize