I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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