you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
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