we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
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I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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