i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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