I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
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u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
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Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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