I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
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Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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