She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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