Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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