What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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