Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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