Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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