sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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