All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
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She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
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So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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