Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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