I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize