all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
where does the pee come out of this thing
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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