I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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