Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
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sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
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Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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