It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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