Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
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his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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