I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize