There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
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Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
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At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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